4 steps to break negative patterns


The first step to breaking one’s pattern is the easiest. Most of us understand and can recognise when we go through a pattern. Our brains are very well tuned to do so. It is also tuned to remind you of the past and warn you. The warnings come in the form of thoughts about similar past situations and cause us either negative emotions or positive ones. Accept that it is a pattern. Most people are already past this step but struggle to figure out how to break them.

Understand the underlying emotions

Unless you know what it is you must learn from the pattern, you cannot break it. The second step requires that you make a list of all the emotions you feel when you go through the pattern. Let’s say the pattern is about meeting a certain type of person as a friend or lover. List out all the positive emotions you feel like excitement, reliance, trust as well as your negative emotions like anxiety, grief, a feeling of rejection, or breaking of trust, etc when you are with this person.

Also, take a look at the traits in this person that cause you the most trouble. Are they similar to traits you have in yourself that you dislike? Are they similar to traits in your parents or siblings that you have struggled with? If yes, therein lies the pattern and the need to learn from it, to break it.

Emotions are our gateway to understanding patterns and the lessons we must learn. So they are an important aspect of retrospection. As mentioned above, make a list of all emotions you have felt when you went through a pattern you wish to break.

Connect your emotions to underlying fears

This step is perhaps the hardest for many. If you’re unable to do this by yourself, reach out to your counsellor or coach. Typically, someone who uses reflective listening will be able to help you with it. This step entails asking the question, ‘Why’ until you have gotten to the bottom of your emotion.

For example, if you feel anxiety when you are in a relationship with a certain type of person, you may find out that the person makes you insecure and this insecurity is caused by your fear of rejection or your fear of loneliness. To curtail your fears, you overcompensate and allow the person to get away with behaviours and actions that end up hurting your self confidence or self-worth. Most of our anxieties and other emotions are caused by underlying insecurities and fears. This is what you must determine.

We also go through patterns that are connected to lessons we must learn, lessons such as acceptance, patience, compassion, etc. These patterns are generally connected with traits we find difficult to deal with, typically, traits in ourselves or our family members, lovers, friends.

When you complete this step, you have already overcome the toughest part of breaking your pattern.

If you think you can break the pattern by rejecting the situation or runing away from it, you’re mistaken. There is no runing away until you learn from it. If you do run away, it will return in some form or the other. Hence patterns! With the example used, imagine if you met a person who is right for you, the person you’ve been looking for but all you need to do is deal with your fears. Would you let this person go or would you work on your fears and accept what you’ve been looking for?

Take action!

This step is all about being conscious and taking action.

For example, if you recognise that you have a fear of rejection and this causes you to behave a certain way, then you need to heal yourself of this fear. Most of our fears can be linked with our childhood. Think back to when you were five or older and think about incidents that caused you this fear then. Use the Theta healing technique to heal yourself of this fear from your childhood and it will automatically help you heal your fear today. A good book for it is Theta Healing by Vianna Stibal.

There are other ways of dealing with fears and energy healing is just one option. Do what works for you. I have seen some people plot their value system and write out steps they will take to face their fears head on.

You may also try this Healing Meditation and ask the Universe’s energy plane to heal you of your fears. Command it to do so when you get to the part where you connect with the Universe’ energy plane.

I have dedicated a chapter to breaking patterns in my new book, “How to be your Superhero”, Coming Soon!

One thought on “4 steps to break negative patterns

  1. If you could get a person to, as you’ve put it, “list out” on 📝 yeah! I really love the chunk down process you mentioned. I couldn’t help but think of NLP as I was reading this post. Reiki also came to mind. We as human beings have the power to choose our way forward, even failing forward in many cases. Energy is so key, and there’s plenty at our disposal in our Universe. We can live our highest and best lives doing what you suggest…looking within.

    This was another 😎 beans post for me. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing!!!


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